THERE’S NO PARENTING rule book or child-raising manual. For the most part we just have to figure things out on our own, which is easier said than done.

Each week in our new series, Am I Being A Bad Parent?, we hear from a reader who can’t figure out if they’re on the right track with a parenting decision, or if they’ve gotten something 100% wrong. To get a balanced view of the situation, we put the dilemma to a group of Irish parents, keeping things anonymous to encourage honest answers.

This week’s dilemma

Am I being a bad parent… to push my daughter to learn to ride a bike? My six-year-old got a bike for her last birthday. She loved it at first but as soon as the stabilisers came off she couldn’t get her balance and started to panic. The last time we took her out on it she wouldn’t even get up on it. I want to push her a bit harder because I feel cycling is a life skill. My husband thinks we need to leave it be and let her come back to it in a couple of years. Am I being unreasonable to keep pushing?

Here’s what our anonymous parents had to say…

Yes, you’re being unreasonable. Turning it into a battle of wills seems like it’s more likely to end up creating a lifelong aversion to it than anything else. Stand back, try and make sure she spends time with other kids that are enjoying their bikes, and let peer pressure do its nefarious work.

You’re not being unreasonable, but you need to amend your approach. What if you tried coming at it from a different way? Address her very real and reasonable fear that she might fall off (because she likely will). Teach her how to fall from a bike. Go to a soft play centre or a kids’ gym with lots of mats and make it a fun game of doing roll and tuck moves. Then take the bike to the softest grassy area you can find, lowering the seat as far down as it will go. Her feet can sit flat on the ground and she can be her own training wheels

Yes, you’re being unreasonable. I would not push her at all, but instead I would encourage and help her to get confident with the bike, trying to start from the bottom once again. Allow her to keep the stablisters on and enjoy the semi-ride. Fear or failure should be part of the learning process but always in a positive and constructive way.

You’re not being unreasonable, but don’t push her too hard. What about sticking the stabilisers back on and going for a family cycle together? If she enjoyed cycling initially but just needs to get her confidence up, there’s no harm in putting them back on until she’s fully comfortable. Approach it as an enjoyable family activity and in time she may even ask for the stabilisers to come off.

Yes, you’re being a bit unreasonable. I would tend to steer clear of making a project out of teaching her how to ride a bike or fall off or anything. Don’t push her and don’t panic. The worst thing is to make any kind of a big deal out of it because that might cause unnecessary anxiety for a little kid, because small things like this can become a huge big deal in their little heads.

So what’s the final tally? Is our reader being unreasonable?

Yes – 3

No – 2

Tell us your thoughts in the comments!

Do you have a parenting issue you need advice on? Do you find yourself asking if you’re being unreasonable? Drop us a line with your reader dilemma on family@thejournal.ie.

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